So we must be about the cheapest people in Britain. Channel Five are thinking about making a documentary about us called "The Cheapest People In Britain And Their Naked Killer Sharks". The nakedness and the killer sharks are largely superfluous, but that's how they roll at Channel Five, man.
We went to Ikea on Saturday night for some meatballs. Nothing wrong with that, you might think - we paid full price for our meatballs, we're respectable people. What can I say, there's an Ikea in town, sometimes you just want to go their and have some meatballs, you know what I'm saying?
Except we didn't really go there for meatballs, that was what you might call a ruse, a diversion, a little something on the side. We watched a fireworks display that we knew was happening over the road from Ikea. We stood at the window at the bottom of the escalator and. We. Stole. A. Fireworks. Display.
I'm telling you, if there was a competition to find the Readers' Digest Cheapest People in Britain 2009 we'd be right up there. Perhaps not first, on reflection - to get that we probably would have just had a cup of tea and some straws between us.
1 hour ago