20.58 - That wasn't nearly as controversial as previous weeks, but it seems we're setting ourselves up nicely for the final run down to the final show. I'm telling you, this is a classic season of X Factor. What fun.
20.55 - Oh, I completely forgot I was blogging for a few minutes there. Jamie's off - and thank goodness that Simon's smug sheen has lost its buff. Sadly for Jamie he can't even wipe his bum now until March next year unless Simon gives him permission.
20.51 - Pub busker against SingStar Superstar.
20.41 - OK. Brief moment of pause. Jamie and his hair versus Lloyd at the sing-off. This week's Sunday show feels really quite odd, like we've been short-changed out of a second singer. The hokey charity single miming and the cannons of glitter were bizarre. I like that Dermot is so cheeky, but the show feels like it's going to disappear up its own gazoo.
20.37 - And longer.
20.36 - Here goes. Now that there are fewer acts in, Dermot's pauses are going to get longer...
20.35 - I think I've caught diabetes from the first half of the show. Luckily someone getting mercilessly evicted will go some way to helping me.
20.30 - All of the 12 finalists turn up to mime to their charity single. Not sure why. I did note with interest that Rachel had come back with her spikey hairdo - I suspect that she's going to lock a Jedward in the cupboard and try and sneak back in the competition. Can vitiligo go the other way? She'll have to think of something.
20.27 - Of course, everyone should give money to help the poor kids. I couldn't help but notice there that Cheryl was wearing some sort of basque. Not sure if Ann Summers is the closest shop to the studio or what, but the girls seem to be having an underwearingest competition going on.
20.25 - WHAT IS THIS? Is Cowell trying to steal Pudsey's crown now? Some charity pitch going on. They don't need to try that hard, the single's going to sell whatever happens.
20.18 - Lovely jubbly - instead of plumbing the back catalogue of X Factor winners because Simon doesn't like what's left, they're doing a special preview of the crappy Christmas single the current 7 and the other 5 losers will be releasing soon.
20.15 - What I like most about Shakira's slinky-hipped dancing is that she makes the classiest of stage occasions look like a stag night do.
20.12 - There was an invader on the stage yesterday after all - you can never quite tell with those naughty little twins. Some singer bloke who brought a pineapple with him to the studio - I've had my bags checked going to see a Radio 4 comedy that no-one's heard of being recorded, how did he manage that? I agree with Cowell on this one - twat.
20.09 - More recaps whilst the work experience boy puts the tape in for the next act. Lloyd sounds like one of those singing trouts you used to get from petrol stations.
20.08 - According the poodle-alike one from Queen, Stacey is 'very employable' - lucky for her then if she gets voted off. A job as a maid in Malibu is on the cards.
20.05 - Half of Queen are actually on stage! Someone's had a cod liver oil tablet with their Weetabix this morning!
20.02 - Dannii comes on stage looking like a King Kong from My Little Pony land and Louis has come straight from the Under the Sea dance in Back to the Future where he was stamping the tickets. Look! More Queen being murdered, it's treasonously good. They've certainly saved the cheesiest 'til last. Unfortunately there's only girl left in the competition but it looks like Lloyd and Joe have bravely stepped in with their falsettos at the ready.
20.00 - It's the ruddy Sunday results show! Dramatic recap! Shouty voiceover! And Dermot even does an illustrated opening joke - he said the word fireworks, and by golly there were pyrotechnics all over the stage. No stone left unpointed out here.
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