I watch the Antiques Roadshow.

Antiques Roadshow is a funny programme, non? I'm never sure whether the antiques part refers to the stuff that gets examined on air or the old duffers what bring all their tat with them.

'We've had this plate in the family for 700 years'...

'It's from Habitat, early 80s, worth about seventy-five pence.'

I know it's an institution, but so was Terry Wogan and they managed to boot him out of the back door. It's full of people who say things like 'crikey' when they find out their grandmother's armoir is worth fourteen grand. It's the most middle-class programme in the world. It's a throwback to an era in which people savoured their furniture, shelled out for it and nurtured it for life. My grandma has plates that are literally as old as my dad, pointedly referring to the Great Smash of '71 when he broke one of them.

These days people pick a new shade of Dulux and dump the entire living room in next door's skip every couple of years. We are a disposable generation, us modern kids. Antiques Roadshow's only virtue is having somewhere to go to find out how much we might get on Ebay for some crap a dead relative has saddled us with.

No, I'm wrong - its only virtue is that it's the only middle-class programme that David Cameron hasn't been on yet.