I would probably have a Wispa.

Do you know what frequently annoys me? What? Of course you don't, shut up and let me elaborate. Political bluster. Apparently the Prime Minister has given a warning to Kraft about jobs and that in Cadburyworld. I think he got Darling to pass a note back at break time.

I think the idea of buying a company and just going through sacking people is a weird concept in itself. Do you have to make your mark as a new owner? "I don't like people who have shoes with laces. Do you need help keeping your shoes on? You're an idiot. You're fired. Next! Is that the faint outline of a pierced nipple I can see? I hate unnecessarily metalwork. Sack off, Roboboob." It's like going to McDonald's and trimming the edge of your bun. Are you trying to save money, Kraft? Here's a tip: don't just spent £11.5bn on a chocolate company! That would have bought them 62,126,363,636 Crunchies, or four for every person on the planet. I hear that Kraft wrote to Peter Mandelson to assure him of their respect for Cadbury's heritage - which basically means they'll be keeping the curtains.

So what the hell can the Prime Minister actually do? Warning Kraft about jobs is ineffectual political bluster of the most electioneering and irritatingest order. He's hardly got enough time to pass the stuff the Queen told him to before he gets sacked, let alone pass a law that says "Be it enacted by her Britannic Majestie, Elizabeth II, KRAFT ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SACK ANYONE". His options are limited to buying everyone in the cabinet a Twirl or a Wispa. They're two of my favourites, it would be a difficult choice, but that's what you have advisors for. He'd probably be hoping that some ministers choke on theirs, but they've all had enough practice at taking one for the team in the past twelve years.

God help the country if Labour get back in - there are about 4 people left who haven't been Secretaries of State and there's no chance they'll get back in. They'd have to make Prescott a Lord and get him to do a Mandelson. On the plus side, with Lord Chompers on the case they would probably have to hire more people at Cadbury's, not sack anyone.