Couch politicos.

If there's one phrase that really gets my goat, it's someone prefacing what they're about to say with 'I'm not being funny but...'. It usually means that they are about to say something that is anything but funny. It usually means that they think they are funny but they really aren't. I mean, we British are nothing if not subtle. If you have to flag up whatever you're about to say, then clearly you haven't mastered the art yet. 'I'm not being witty, but...'

It's like when cars were first invented and you had to have some bloke go ahead of you dressed like a piece of fruit, or somesuch. When vehicles were hitting heady speeds of several miles an hour you needed an off-duty horseman of the apocalypse to let people know.

This was basically my sole thought yesterday, before I was rudely vegetablised by political events. I coined a phrase (I know it's louche to say to, but I want credit when the whole world starts using it) the other day - couch politico - which is basically all the folks like me who are stuck to the sofa watching rolling 24-hour news channels at the moment.

And goodness, I'm constantly breathless. I don't think any part of my body is getting adequate oxygen. After a night's sleep and some television-off detox I think I might even be able to think about something again.