Getting hot under the collar.

Someone said ‘vice-a versa’ on the telly the other day. My mother looked mildly frightened, perturbed we might say, by my apparently apoplectic reaction. You see, this sort of thing drives me insane - it actually sends a shiver down my spine when I hear it. Vice-a versa? It’s just not right. It’s close, but completely and utterly wrong. Doesn’t mean anything, or make any sense.

It’s like Tescos, Marks and Spencers, Lidls. I think I go on about these things a little too much, but I find it’s far better to get these things out of your system than to find yourself suddenly out of prison after a short spell and chasing around the north with a shotgun and half the police in the country after you.

Anger is a funny thing. As in, strange, it’s clearly not that amusing that some bloke’s on the run and wants to shoot people’s faces off. It’s an odd emotion. Is it really that useful to us? It has a dark side, but in many ways it is a proper superhero. It fights against injustice and stands up for the oppressed. If we didn’t have righteous anger the Nazis would still be in power.

Actually, the Nazis only got in in the first place because the Germans were such angry little people. And they were only angry because everyone had been mean to them after the First World War, which was basically everyone getting angry about some minor contretemps in Serbia. I can’t remember my point. Oh yes – anger can be good, but it can’t teach you good grammar.

And vice-a versa.