When does a bucket cease to become a bucket? That first picture I posted yesterday is demonstrably not of a working bucket - it has holes, it can retain only a minimal amount of water. But what should I call it, what has it become? It still seems to be a bucket, but it's not at all fit for its intended purpose. Not that it's intended purpose was for burning receipts in, that much has become clear to me since its early demise. I think perhaps it's like with US presidents - it retains the title as an honourable courtesy. Not that President Bucket will be getting its own library.
What that poor useless bucket needs is to be a yellow invincible bucket. As you can quite clearly see from the label, you can leave a Mercedes convertible on top of invincible yellow buckets for 5 years, it's guaranteed. I do wonder how many recurring buyers you get in the bucket market though - they could put any old crap on the front as an incentive, how much brand loyalty is there in the bucket world? It's a £3.99 bit of crap you'll sling in the garden, keep soil in or set on fire. If I put my Mercedes on some invincible yellow buckets and the car falls off after four years am I really going to nip down the garden centre and demand a new one?
These ridiculous guarantees get on my nerves - they realistically only serve to sweeten a purchase, because a) there's probably some wear and tear clause in there somewhere ('this phone has clearly been dropped at some point') or a safe use clause ('what kind of Mercedes did you put on your buckets?') or there's the unwritten 'sensible clause'. You won't go and claim a new £3.99 bucket because it'll cost you more than that in petrol to get to the shop. You'll just grab a 99p bucket from the supermarket next time you're there.
And this, dear reader, is why the independently-owned high street shop has gone arse over tit - because bucket makers have wantonly abused the maker-customer relationship. Shame on them, and shame on their unusable Mercedeses.
14 minutes ago