I love the idea of corresponding from a far-off and mildly exotic place. If I were to introduce this element of florid chicanery to ALBOWIEB it would consist almost entirely of missives such as:
"Today I cooked some baked potatoes. Big solid potatoes, the sort of dirty, mean potatoes that probably bullied the other potatoes at school. I pricked them viciously with a fork and zapped them in preparation in the microwave for five minutes, because I have heard that this makes them fluffy and shortens the cooking time when you put them in the oven. Some people don't like to do this, but between taking them out of the microwave and putting them into the oven I doused them in so much olive oil (it's very important to find yourself a good olive oil, I find, dearest Kitty - it's one of those things that rewards extra money being spent on it) and rubbed a bit of salt into the skin. This is for to make them a little crispy when they're done.
I haven't always cared for baked potatoes, but it's the fillings and the toppings that can really make or break them. There is no fun to be had from a mere potato with a sliver of I Really Can Believe It's Not Butter Because It Tastes Like Melted Crisp Packets. You have to smother it in tuna mayonnaise, beans, cheese and whatever concoctions you can muster from your kitchen cupboards until it has breathed its last..."
This is why I have to look so hard for the funny crap.