It seems to be one of the unwritten rules of perfume advertising that their alluringly persuasive messages of corporate enticement are completely stark raving incomprehensibly bonkers.
I literally cannot understand the link between people doing sex on a beach and someone going into a shop in search of smelling better. Or possibly a better-smelling relative. Sometimes it’s not sex on a beach, it’s sex in a bed, or in a warehouse. Or people looking at each other and dreaming of doing sex, lustily.
I realise now that there is a lot of sex involved in perfume adverts – this could be a subliminal thing.
Perhaps the perfume people are trying to encourage us into thinking that we too could be stuck on top of an Italian supermodel in 15-degree seawater getting sand up our naughty pockets if we would only make a significant investment in their product.
Of course, I think perhaps in my case it would be less to do with sweet aromas than Rohypnol. Whatever the unwritten rules, I’ve never really understood why perfume people can’t do funny adverts, or inspiring adverts, or any adverts that don’t centre around sex and that.
Do it, perfume people. Then I would certainly buy some of your elixirs of endless reproduction.
14 minutes ago
Advertising works - I haven't been able to buy a single "grooming product for the discerning male" for decades for fear of encouraging womans to do wild and photogenic heterosexual beach sex on me.
ReplyDeleteCan't even used products meant for laydees since the adverts for those all seem to indicate that I would need to shave more things and more frequently than ever and all in an overflowing mountaintop bath during multiple orgasms and extracts of fruit.
Don't seem to remember ever seeing an advert for a deodorant/showergel/razor that suggested using it might be safe for a happy and contented member of the Nellie Community, fruit extracts or otherwise. I suppose that the scientifically demonstrable efficacy of such a product would scare away 95% of the market. I mean, these things do work, after all don't they? Couldn't legally advertise them this way otherwise, surely? The birth rate would plummet and the Army would have to improve its uniforms to recruit anyone at all. Social chaos and confusion. One spray and you're in the Village People, so to speak.
Do remember the Lynx advert though, where some chap rolled an aerosol of body-spray down the aisle of a South American bus to attract a hapless female. I'm guessing that since the invention of "nine-eleven" and "seven-seven" that would be illegal under the Paranoia Act of Twenty-Ten.
I did once write a letter to the Options hot chocolate people to ask that my purchase not be associated with their advert full of women lounging orgasmically in a spa with a mug of Mint Madness.
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