The end is for clapping.

Stars in their Eyes is an absolute blight on society, its unending legacy will forever be that audiences clap one line into every fricking song anyone will ever sing again.

I don’t know if I can possibly communicate the epic heights of annoyance which bubble up within my soul ready to explode catastrophically forth whenever a professional singer gets a validating ripple of applause from a sea of lolloping trolls whose only justifying reason for sitting there in the first place is a fastest finger first system of audience e-ticketing that rewards the unemployed.

I’ve been watching The Voice on BBC1 since its first few weeks, and I’m still not sure why. I’m a big fan of Sir Tom, so that was a draw, and I could sit at his feet for hours listening to stories of going to Elvis’s house in Hawaii and playing the guitar with him.

That said, I miss the meanness of X Factor and lament the fact that despite the whole format of The Voice intending to take away from the talent show culture of sob stories and photogenic 17-year-olds, we still have to sit through all that crap as the audience, even if the judges don’t. I think it would have been bolder to put the viewer in the same position as the judge and allow us to make a decision ourselves based just on the voice.

Also, I get annoyed because the audience claps one line in to every song. EVERY SONG.