They tell me there’s a drought on.

It’s not that I’m too bothered about the rain (actually no, I hate it), or the drought really, but I’m running out of shoes, they’re all sodden. The jokes are wearing thin too. People like to point out that it has rained practically every day since the hosepipe ban was announced and that. But the joke’s on them – why would you even want to use a hosepipe when it’s raining so much?

Even more annoying than the jokes about it raining so much during a drought is the fact that the jokesters are forcing the experts to endlessly explain things about the water table and ground saturation and average rainfall levels and bleurgh.

I don’t even know what counts as a hosepipe – why aren’t showers banned? I don’t understand what’s to stop me watering the flowers out of the bathroom window. It’s such an abstract concept, a water shortage, when the stuff comes pouring out of the taps whatever happens. Perhaps they need to turn off the water completely for a few hours a day just to stop us using it. It’d be just like 1990s Romania. Aw, crap, it’s raining again.