Monday, 2 June 2014

Turning 30: the liveblog

As it happened:

8.04am: It's a day off for me today, because I'm too depressed to go into work.

8.05am: Jokes. My mum and dad are visiting London for my birthday and that. We're going to do old people things together, like feed the ducks and check out nursing homes.\

8.45am: I don't officially actually turn 30 until half five this evening. So I have a few more hours of kidding myself that I am still a swinging young hipster in his twenties with the world at his feet.

9.43am: It's been quite an intensive weekend. A surprise party for me on Saturday evening, which was a nice surprise. And then I went to a friend's surprise party yesterday. She's a day older than me, so I've already been able to see that life doesn't come to a crashing halt on this momentous occasion. Amusingly, mum and dad decided to surprise me my coming to my church yesterday morning, only I wasn't there because I'd gone to another church for said friend's surprise birthday party. Oh, the japes.

12.00pm: I am officially old. I've just joined the National Trust. My mum and dad have recommended it, but they seemingly travel to historic properties to have cream teas and then go home.

12.41pm: So it turns out that we've come to Morden Hall Park and it's free to get in. This is annoying. Now I'm old I might have to write someone a strongly worded letter. After my cream tea.

12.57pm: 'Three cream teas, please. One with a cappuccino, one black coffee and a hot chocolate.' My dad's an expert at ordering these scones. He has apricot jam, I retch and grab the strawberry. Preserve first, then cream. We're not philistines.

2.19pm: On the train into central London. We are covering all based today. Nice to have a sit down after that mild walking. Bit chilly, glad I brought an extra jumper.

3.11pm: Queuing for tickets to see An Musical. It's only like a fiver or something if you sit in the toilets for the whole performance. I could cheerfully punch all sorts of tourists in the back of the head because they get on my nerves, but this is not a Grmpy Old Man thing, it's just me.

6.43pm: Have gone dark because I am suffering from acute battery stress. Down to 33% - the world could be in major peril. Given that half five has passed I am officially 30. But that's fine, because I've eaten. I can be 30 on a full stomach.

7.28pm: We have walked for a bit to explore Soho and ended up at the theatre in time for a judicious wee. These days it's important to pace myself between toilet stops. We are about to watch Wicked. Which is not to be confused with WKD: the musical, in which eight lads from Bolton go to Blackpool, get smashed and vomit off the pier. It's got some catchy dance numbers in it. There is a giant dragon above the stage. I am excited. 31% on the battery.

9pm: The intermission. I do feel like perhaps I should have watched The Wizard of Oz at some point in order to have got the most out of this spectacular. That said, it's enough of a show to be totally enjoyable on its own. The story of how the wicked witch of the west came to be - it's really how the Star Wars prequels should have gone.

9.08pm: 26%

11.44pm: Home. This is about three hours past my new bedtime. I will be paying for this for weeks to come. Jumping into bed. 6%. Phew.


  1. Brilliant. And a belated happy birthday to you. We have National Trust membership, although ours is primarily for the free parking rather than the cream teas.

    I'm 40 in January :(

  2. A comment! Merci beaucoup, Alex. I can't believe you're turning 40 in January. I thought it had happened years ago.

  3. (I was saying thank you for the happy birthday, by the way, not the fact that you left a comment. Looks a bit needy, innit)