It has become something of a tradition (i.e. I've done it twice) for me to trawl through the entire year's catalogue and pick out my favourite posts of the year. Here I compile for you, my dear reader/nosey visitor, the highlights of 2009-10 from this here ALBOWIEB for your reading pleasure.
Back in 2009 I was living in London and working for an MP in Parliament - London was a foul-tempered mistress, given to cruel jokes and much mockery. In the summer of 2009 I moved back home to Coventry to live with my parents to study for an MA in car journalism (it's reputable) from which I graduated in November 2010.
2009
2009, what a year. I don't do so good with the reminiscing and the trying to remember things - I'm not much given to contemplation and suchlike.
But it would be churlish at the end of the year not to look back and see what's happened when you've kept a fastidious and occasionally regular semi-account of what you've been up to, no?
In January, a saviour was born and my hobby during my time living in London continued to be moaning about commuting.
February sees me becoming famous and on the Guardian website. Unfortunately there's no book deal involved and I return to obscurity. I also win tickets to go and see a Shakespeare play.
March and the 'atheist bus' controversy is in full swing, to which I am - as usual - able to add considered and erudite opinion and analysis. I also try to come to terms with the deprecession and I get a bit ill. Poor me.
The highlight of April is going to men's gym and putting my washing out. I also decide to practice being thoughtful for a little while. I don't believe it lasted long. By far the highlight, however, is standing outside Buckingham Palace for ages and seeing the BEAST.
In May I get mercilessly mugged on the way home to vicious south east London. I get flashbacks.
June is dominated by an upsetting cold sore on my face. This month also sees me turning 26 and coming up with food-themed restaurant names on the train. Commuting-induced dementia, no doubt.
In July I leave London, for the fair provincial climes of the midlands. I also post my favourite YouTube video ever. IT HURTS, JANICE, IT HURTS! Lmao, etc, etc.
In August I buy a car on a whim and I decide that I don't like camping much. Actually, it's more of an allergy.
September sees me going to Liberal Democrat conference and start a masters course in Coventry. I also compose a brief poem for my new car.
October isn't such an exciting month. I achieve another brief moment of notoriety in Total Politics magazine and there's a postal strike. Also, I GET A HAIRCUT!
In November my life reaches a new low of nothinghappeningness and dulldom. I have an essay to write, and I listen to some Radio 4. The highlight of my month is liveblogging the X Factor. On a Saturday AND a Sunday! Thrills!
December sees me slacking off big style, but perking up somewhat towards the end, ready to launch into a new year. The clear highlight of the year, though, not just of December - why, it's my EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW/PROFILE THING with Angry and Cliff, of Angry and Cliff: the podcast fame [don't forget to read from the bottom there, these confusing blog things]. Showbiz types, eh?
2010
Another year has gone sailing by - I don't think I'm being mental in observing that they seem to fly by that much quicker as you get older.
Reading back through some of the posts from this year and reflecting on some of the many experiences I've had it feels like mere minutes since I experienced them all. I can remember where I was when I wrote most of them, why I've picked the words and the phrases and the jokes that I have.
I don't know if 2010 was a particularly iconic year, but I live as an optimist - I plough ahead in the earnest believe that every moment will be better than the previous. I stand on the shoulders of the giant of my past - there's great responsibility there, no?
Anyway - without waffling on, here are my best bits of 2010:
January
The year started with my obviously now traditional letter to the New Year, but quickly descended into froth-mouthed irritation on the antics at Cadbury and the extreme ponciness of artists.
I was very topical in January, you know. There was also (was that only a year ago?) the joys of David Cameron poster fun.
February
In the second month of the year the Burnett residence was rocked by revelations of my dad picking crap up off the street and putting it in the kitchen cupboards, expenses was the mot du jour and the wint'ry Olympic rings were on full display.
There was the most catastrophic snow the country has ever seen, and I had a terrible relapse into the pit of self-woe I have termed the 'pre-life crisis'.
March
The third month of the year saw me beset by a terrible case of writer's block that didn't shift for at least two posts. I also professed my love for NCIS, I went away for a few days and that was all that really happened in March.
April
In the fourth month of the year we discovered the joys of the live blog. It's like we're all there together when something happens! First it started with a car journey (which was the worst journey EVA), then we progressed onto the heady heights of a general election leaders' debate, which remains the most popular post of the year in terms of people googling Nick Clegg's neck scars.
It was a funny old election, what with the 24-hour news and internet really playing a part for the first time.
May
The 24-hour-news-watching-twitterising-couch-seated-housebound-pundit phenomenon in April led me to coin a new phrase. Which didn't really catch on. But I always had my election bed sores to fall back on.
The fifth month of the year also saw me reach a new low in part-time job comedianship, I waxed lyrical about my moleskine and mused on ego and conversation. But in a shallow way, don't get excited.
June
The sixth month of the year saw me turning an outrageous age and involved an incident with a bucket. They don't hold flames well. I also wondered at what point I might actually become a writer.
Overall, though, June was a bit of a dull month.
July
The seventh month of the year (gosh, we're really munching through 2010, aren't we?) saw me getting hot under the collar about Tescos, watching a documentary about rain (quiet evening) and deciding that the safest thing was probably to never leave the house ever.
I also spent some time wondering why directors think it a virtue, sticking the crap that wasn't good enough for their film on the arse end of a DVD.
August
The eighth month of a busy year saw me getting upset at silly headlines and also enjoying a brief period of post titles that were also song names. The signs of me getting old were starting to emerge too, and I lamented the lack of funfairs in my life.
Towards the end of the month I worried about pronunciation, and managed my most hilariousest and yet underrated opening line of the entire of 2010. If I do say so myself. I also had a go at the Olympics.
September
The ninth month of the year was entirely slim pickings with a mere seven posts. Dissertation writing, freelance work getting, job hunting - these things all conspired to juice the creativity right out of me. I did still have time to write about baked potatoes and the pressure to be funny, draft an hilarious letter about the miserable summer and visit the nifty new Supreme Court.
I also decided that the only terrorists in society were us. Now whose bag is this?
October
In the tenth month of the year the nights were drawing rapidly in, the days were getting colder and I stayed in a dodgy hotel in London for a few days. I also professed much love for the Big Bang Theory and couldn't get worked up over a celebrity death. I also faced down another weatherpocalypse.
November
In the eleventh month of the year I was forced to go on a horrific rain-lashed walk through a bird sanctuary and couldn't find any virtue in the pastime at all. I lamented the state of blogging (fings ain't wot they used ta be, ya know) and got mighty irritated at a stupid woman on her phone.
I also go on the Tube and do some reading in November, which are both entirely insignificant events, but I liked writing those two posts.
December
The twelfth month of the year only began about five minutes ago, so it is strange to be choosing posts from this month as highlights of the year, but that's not to say I'm not on top form. Cough. I've been watching penguins, missing some stuff on the telly, waxing lyrical about my stationery and getting upset at the outrageous delays on the trains.
Of course - the crowning glory of my December blogging has to be the Christmas Day live blog. Never in the field of human conflict has so much been written about so little that has happened to so few.
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